family ties
The snow has been coming down for hours, and it doesn’t seem as if it is going to stop any time soon. The snowflakes are easily visible despite my need for glasses and are tapping against my ac unit obnoxiously. Or is that the birds trying to peck their way out of the cold while simultaneously taunting my cat?
The storm brought us together today. And by “us” I mean my cousins. Too afraid of being left alone in the snow, we’re under the roof of my grandmother's home, surrounded by her prayers, gin, and not-so-quiet snores. Who knew that girls in their mid-twenties could snore like drunken men?
The truth is, I live for moments like these. When we cousins/siblings can get together and just be. Those times when it feels like “Family Business” by Kanye West is the theme song. There are no rules with us other than respect. We’re 8 years old again, squealing over actors and actresses we find cute, hushing our voices so our elders don’t hear us cursing up a storm, and just letting the night play out. Reminiscing on who we used to be and somewhere deep down knowing that is who we still are.
We had to reintroduce ourselves. Having been together every Monday to knit with the church ladies, to being separated because our parents found better job opportunities in other states, we were left with no choice but to grow into ourselves without the other. But as fate would have it, we have the opportunity to reconnect and learn who we are now— but as adults.
The thing with making friends with your cousins versus making friends with strangers is that, in some way, there is no “getting to know you” phase. Because I’ve always known you. I know your family, I knew your mannerisms as a kid, and for some reason, they haven’t really changed much as an adult. Being friends with your cousins, or even siblings, hell, can be such a cathartic experience to the point where I don’t need many friends. Now I didn’t say that I don’t need friends— because my friends are my chosen family— but if you lucked up in the lineage department, you don’t need many because they will always treat you with the respect and kindness that is often searched for.
I think for a long time I was looking for myself in other people. Looking to see what’s accepted, what’s deemed “cool,” and attempted to build my confidence from there. In reality, it was my family who allowed me to feel most like myself and accepted me for all of my quirks. To hell with those who didn’t get it. And to hell to those who don’t like it. Granted, they taunt and tease, but I understand it isn’t to break me down. Maybe it can come across that way to others, and it definitely isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of shoe. But there’s a certain balance on the blade when we accept the criticism from family, so we’re prepared when it comes from strangers. To me, that is the true test of trust and vulnerability.
So I’m sitting here, listening to the snow fall and thinking of my drunk night with my cousins as we sang the soundtrack of High School Musical 2. To think we used to be so small. Now we’re adults. Adults who have their own children. Adults who pay their own bills. Adults who are currently crowded upstairs in the bedroom as we enjoy each other’s company, figuring out if we should make snow angels or just stay in bed.
And I can’t help but feel like I’m 6 years old again.
By the way— we chose bed.
