god said to stop being humble.
In recent days, I’ve decided that I have no desire to be meek. Being raised with Southern Baptist ideals and foundations had truly ruined my self-esteem and humbled1 me into oblivion. When caught admiring myself, I was told that God would take my beauty away as easily as He gave it to me. That God loved me despite my sexuality and that He would “meet me where I’m at” as if I could not be loved loudly and boldly for all that I encompass. As if God didn’t create me to be such.
I use the reference of God in a deconstructed way— not to refer to God of the Christian Bible who invokes fear into his people, but my God of creation. The God with a sense of humor, the God who encourages sexual liberation and spiritual freedom. The God who isn’t rigid and law-binding. The God who promotes the use of free will, loving ourselves, and smiting those who do us wrong. Not to be hate-filled, but not to fall complicit to violent behavior inflicted upon us and to defend ourselves always.
I understand the egomania of Kanye. Maybe it’s because I’m a Gemini, so I get him. His delivery and actions are incredibly terrible, but we should all strive to be self-centered to a healthy extent. Being shy and humble got me nowhere but disrespected and resentful. To be boastful and prideful in yourself is, in essence, to be boastful and prideful of God. Maybe I’m just late to the party. But there’s a certain light I have witnessed from experiencing people who embrace their raucousness. They possess a warmth that is inviting and encourages you to be the same. Never once have I met a person who knows their talents and their power who encouraged others to stay small.
If anything, they attract those to encourage them to own their muchness and to take up space. People who play it big make room for others who play it big. There’s literal (and figurative) space to do so. People who play it big, who are confident, are people who understand the necessity of others. Through personal experience, being meek or insecure is probably more self-centered and selfish than being boastful about your talents. There are constant comparisons to others, the constant hyper-fixation on whether or not you measure up, and the constant pinpointing of how to be better, which takes away from the enjoyment of the present. It’s a volatile cycle to be in.
God doesn’t want you to play it safe. Safety keeps you contained, and all I can imagine is sitting in one of those white rooms with nowhere to go. You’ll eventually be driven mad— angry, or insane, take your pick. To be dangerous, full of risk, is the ultimate level of faith, as it creates a new foundation built on vulnerability between you and your Spirit guides. To be vulnerable encourages you to be dangerous, which builds your confidence and reignites your self-belief. We must continue to be loud about our talents, to be loud about our visions, to be loud about our faith in ourselves. Not just individually but communally as well.
Owning my muchness has allowed me to attract so much more than I could ever have imagined. I have attracted good people, kind acts of service, and ideas that are much bigger than I ever could have imagined them to be. Playing it humble never once got me the level of respect from others that I have given myself after owning how much I desire. How much I am. I often think, if we are made in the image of God, and if God was daring enough to create me, shouldn’t I be loud about it?
